Professor Tortoise

So I decided to type about my tortoise. Of course, he has mega powers. He fights crime and did a side-kick gig with Aaron Meraz 5 years ago. I'm going to tell you a secret, his weakness is falling on his back. He can never get up. He is actually a smart tortoise, but the fact that he is too retarded to flip himself over is really weird. His knowledge is unbearable and knowing as much as him will implode your mind, so please don't ask.

SO ANYWAYS: His evil nemesis' are Dr. Ocktorock and Mr. Dodongo. One day where Professor Tortoise was eating some grass on a sunny day, the light was vanished. Professor was motionless. A cold breeze blew over his dirt encrusted shell and a fucked-up smile appeared in the darkness up high. higher than ten hobo tents combined to a hobo tent tower. The smile vanished and light returned. Looking up slowly, an exclamation mark spikes upon Professor's brow. Like Solid Snake pussies out in a box, Professor pussies out in his shell. But, just like Solid Snake, Professor busts out ready to kill.

With the thirst for justice Professor shoots up top the sky. It's no hope. The fuckin' moon is in the way! And it's smiling? Here's Professor's expression ->  O =<
"WHOWLLY SCHnIT BOWLS!!!1!" Exclaims Professor with a disgusted looks on face. The moon is falling. Or should we say failing? I thought so because Professor round-house kicked the moon to Chuck Norris who round-house kicked the moon to Bruce Lee who round-house kicked the moon to Chuck Norris's Karate Commandos (There was actually a show called Chuck Norris's Karate Commandos). The CNKC bizotch slapped the moon and it exploded. A bizotch slap of epic proportions. Professor went back to my back yard and finished eating his greens. He then thought up the square root of 7. You'd think there is no square root of 7, but my tortoise is a professor, so he knows what he's doing. The end.

No, NOT THE END! After Professor got back to eat, he completely forgot about Dr. Ocktorock and Mr. Dodongo. He busted out an invincibility star and flew to Dr. Ocktorock and Mr. Dodongo. Waving to the clouds who gleefully smiled back at him. When he got there a plump Italian guy jumped him. But of course, it takes two hits to a kill a turtle in Italian land. So he dawned the star and ran as fast as he could to Dr. Ocktorock and Mr. Dodongo. He killed them after he got there. The end. Fo Shoe this time. And remember kids. Fighting is like the special olypics, even if you win, you're still retarded. I know that's offensive, but it's true. Just look at Professor. He can't even flip himself over. I've seen other tortoises do it before. It is possible.

My adventure over the weekend.

So my adventure started and ended on Saturday. It all began when I decided to get a haircut. I have to look good for my adventure. So afterwards I decided to go to my friends house so we could go to our other friend's house and bother him. On my way there I came across a garage sale and bought a huge sword. Of course, I didn't want to walk across a park with a weapon, so I turned around and panzinated my way home to drop it off and had to head back. I left the house again to complete my journey. I arrived at my friend's house and no one was home, so I just went to the final destination. When I walked around the final corner to walk around, I saw my friend on my friend's porch, so I flipped them off. I made my way to his porch and we decided to go back to my house. When my friend's dad came home, he got pissed off at us and called us stupid. Ten seconds later he apologized. He was wearing a pocket shirt and had a Chinese beard, which is weird because he isn't Chinese. But I knew he dared to be different. Not all birds can fly. So we went back to my house, swung the sword in my backyard, played some halo 3, and then we decided to make a video. It is about two friends who room in one house because they can. One of them steals the other's money and they have a battle to the death. They overcome their differences in the end when one is about to kill the other. We would have finished it by now, but my friend kept messing up. Every two seconds he started laughing. Honestly, the video wasn't that funny. I don't know why he was laughing in the middle of his lines. We are going to do a second recording this weekend most likely. It will way better too. My friends left and that was the end of the story. And the end of my adventure...................
For now.